Two Sea Rats and a Salty Dog
by Doktor Girlfriend
Summary: The early adventures of Captain Thranduil StarShadow. Watch as he boards the good ship Boring Meeting and forms his hearty crew. And gets cookies!


Title: Two Sea-Rats and a Salty Dog  
Author: Rei-hime  
Cast: Thranduil, Elrond, Gil-galad, & Celebrian (with minor appearances by Galadriel & Celebornn)  
Rating: G/PG  
Warnings: Yarr! Pirate-y goodness & swashbuckling minors. And excessive use of the word "yarr." …Yarr.  
Summary: The early adventures of Captain Thranduil Star-Shadow. Watch as he boards the good ship Boring Meeting and forms his hearty crew. And gets cookies!  
Disclaimer: I not be ownin' the Elves, but First Mate Dwarfy Fuzzybeard be mine, so keep yer scurvy hands off 'im!  
Notes: Written in honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day, and fer the September 19 Daily Drabbles on LotRAllSlash fer these here prompts – pirate & booty. Thranduil and Celebrian's pirate monikers be comin' from two unofficial/unconfirmed translations of their Elvish names. Ya-harr.

**Two Sea-Rats and a Salty Dog**

**By Rei-hime**

"They're late," Gil-galad remarked, shooting his advisor a disapproving glare. "All of them."

"Only by about half an hour, if that," the younger Elf amended, looking tired and bored, and rather wishing he had missed those first thirty minutes as well.

"Hmph. Half an hour is still late," the Noldo insisted stubbornly. "Quite late in fact." He continued to scowl as his counselor, as if his defense of the tardy Elven dignitaries made him somehow responsible for their absence.

"You did schedule this meeting rather early in the morning, Hírnin," Elrond began cautiously, wary of irritating the High King any further than he already was. "Give them a little more time; I'm sure they'll be here soon."

Gil-galad harrumphed again and turned his scowl to the empty chairs positioned around the makeshift council table they had set up in the area that (in Elrond's imagination at least) would one day be the magnificent gardens of Imladris. Right now, with its half-completed cobblestone paths, young rosebushes, and well-kept but small flowerbeds, it was hardly what Gil-galad would rate as "Magnificent." He'd give it a solid "Rather Pleasant" – gives credit where credit is due, but leaves room for improvement.

"That's not the point, Elrond. How can we be expected to work with these people if they don't even show us the respect of--"

The King broke off as he realized he no longer held the audience of his young advisor. Elrond's attention was instead directed towards one of the cobblestone walks, his hands raised to his mouth in an attempt to smother a swiftly spreading grin. When Gil-galad followed the direction of his gaze, his face went slack with shock then quickly pulled together in annoyance.

Walking down the path toward them, his head held haughtily high and a distinctive swagger to his step, came little Prince Thranduil of the Greenwood. Perched jauntily on his golden head was a wide black hat, adorned with a ridiculously large, bright red plume. A small toy sword was belted to his waist, and Dwarfy, his ever-present plush companion, swung from his hand on his opposite side. He stopped before the elder Elves and looked them each in the eye.

"Prepare to be boarded!" he shouted and, before either adult could respond, scrambled onto one of the empty chairs and from there onto the table, where he stood between them.

"Yarr!" he announced.

Elrond's raised hands did little to muffle the loud snort that issued at this, while Gil-galad's face only scrunched further.

"Prince Thranduil," he said, forcing patience into his voice as he addressed the Elfling, "what exactly do you--"

"Hold your tongue, ye scurvy dog!" the child interrupted, taking a challenging step towards the King. "Or I'll cut it out an' feed it to the kracken!"

Even Elrond, usually tolerant and even indulgent of the prince's antics, started at this, his laughter dying in his throat. Gil-galad appeared struck dumb, and Elrond sat up straighter in his chair, ready to snatch the child should his lord turn violent once he regained his senses.

Thranduil took advantage of their stunned silence to continue.

"I'm not a prince. I'm a pirate!" he declared, walking a lap of the table. "Captain Star-Shadow I be, scourge of the Sea! And this here's me First Mate, Fuzzybeard." He held Dwarfy up as he walked back into the center of the table. "Dread, dread pirates we be, and we're takin' your ship!"

Gil-galad's brain function began to return, and a low growl of warning issued from his throat.

"I see," Elrond said quickly, drawing Thranduil's attention to him and giving him a smile. "A pirate, eh? Is your adar aware of this?"

"He be givin' me the hat!"

"Ah."

The High King's hands curled into fists. Damn that Oropher. He was certain the Woodland King had indulged his son's fancy with the express intention of sending him out to aggravate him. How he hated them both, the snarky Silvan-wannabe and his spoiled spawn. Still, he refrained from lashing out, reminding himself that he was a noble ellon and that squashing the Greenwood prince like a bug would do little to improved already strained diplomatic relations.

"You'll be taking our ship, will you?" he asked with the same forced calm, his hands still clenched. "First of all, little one, this is not a ship. It is a table, one used for very important meetings where we discuss matters far beyond the comprehension of one as young as you."

"Arr," Captain Star-Shadow replied. "Yer meetings be boring and stupid."

Gil-galad slid to the end of his chair, placed both palms flat on the table, and leaned towards the Elfling, his eyes narrowed in challenge. Elrond was forced to hide his mirth behind his hands once more. He always enjoyed this part of Thranduil and the High King's frequent clashes, when Gil would finally start to loosen up and fight back.

"Alright you little bilge rat," he said with a smirk, "let me ask you this. If you're such a dread little cutthroat, where's _your_ ship?"

"Yarr…" the little pirate-elf growled, a tiny bit of his bravado deflating. "I don't have one yet. There be a wooden wagon I was lookin' to commandeer, but me mother said to let the other whelps finish playing with it first."

"No ship?" the Noldo repeated, raising an eyebrow in interest. "What kind of captain are you then with no ship to sail? And how can you take our ship when you've none of your own in the first place?"

"Well, I be doin' it anyway, ain't I!" Thranduil snapped angrily, unwilling to let the adult shatter his fantasy to any degree. "And I gots me a crew besides," he added, holding up his Dwarf doll once again.

Gil-galad snickered derisively.

"I be sick of talkin'!" the Elfling growled, suddenly brandishing his wooden play sword. "Time for business! Now I'm a reasonable sea-dog. I don't have to be spillin' yer bellies all over the deck. Just hand over yer booty, and I'll be on me way with nary a stab."

"Well, if it will spar our bellies," Elrond grinned, resting his elbows on the table and his chin on his twined hands. "And just what constitutes 'booty'?"

"Yarr," the prince repeated for what felt like the fiftieth time, though now accompanied by a wicked glint in the child's eye. "Anything _sparkly_."

Gil-galad rolled his eyes and hid his ring hand in his pocket. "Figures."

"I see," Elrond said, still smiling. "Well, I'm afraid I don't have anything like that, but I do have these." He produced the pouch of cookies he always kept on his person. They were quite useful for distracting hyper young Elves from incurring certain Kings' wraths.

Thranduil's eyes widened. "Ooh," he said, momentarily dropping character. "I mean, aye! That be acceptable." He strode forward and thumped Elrond on the shoulder. "I could use a salty dog like ye on me crew. How'd ye like to be me new first mate?"

The Peredhel grinned. "But what about Dwarfy?"

Thranduil waved his hand dismissively. "Fuzzybeard can be the gunman. He be likin' things that go boom."

"Well, I am flattered," Elrond said with a smirk and pointed to Gil, "but I'm afraid I'm already this old sea-rat's first mate."

Thranduil shrugged. "Mutiny."

The Noldo rolled his eyes again, and Elrond chuckled. "Maybe after the meeting."

"'_Duil!"_

All three scurvy dogs turned at the sound of this new, shrieking voice. Tripping along down the same path that Thranduil had came little Celebrian, her parents close behind.

"About time," Elrond heard Gil-galad grumble.

"'Duil!" Celebrian shrieked again, clambering up into a chair and peeking over the edge of the table. "What are you playing, 'Duil? Is it fun? Where'd you get the hat? Can I play?"

"Celly, darling, not so loud," Galadriel admonished gently. "Or so high. There's no point in talking when only dogs can hear you."

"Sorry, Nana," the little elleth said, sliding down in the chair.

"Arr, there be too many grown-ups here," Thranduil decided. "Too many fer this pirate's likin'. And you I heartily dislike!" he added, pointing his sword at Celeborn, who wore the same dumbstruck expression that had previously belonged to Gil-galad. "I take me leave o' the good ship Boring Meeting now." He snatched the pouch of cookies from Elrond's grasp. "And I'll be takin' the booty too!"

Celebrian wasn't exactly sure what kind of game Thranduil was playing, but now that cookies were involved she was more certain than ever that she wanted to be a part of it.

"I wanna be a pirate!" she said, dancing excitedly in her seat. "Can I be a pirate, 'Duil? Can I, can I, please?"

The golden-haired prince cocked his head as if considering and looked her up and down. "Aye!" he agreed and hopped off the table. "After all, every crew be needin' a comely wench."

Elrond wasn't sure which was louder – Celeborn's indignant sputtering or Gil-galad's howls of laughter.

Celebrian looked up at her mother. "Nana, can I be a comely wench?"

Galadriel smiled. "As long as you're back by dinner, sweetheart."

"Avast, 'Bri," Thranduil urged his younger playmate. "We be commandeerin' a wagon now."

"Oh, Captain Star-Shadow," Elrond called before the children could scamper away. "Will your father be joining our meeting today?"

"Yarr, Ada be breakin' his fast with the missus this mornin', and he'll come when he pleases." He drew his toy sword again and pointed it at Gil-galad. "And he said if ye schedule any more meetings so early again, I'm to make ye walk the plank!"

With that, Captain Thranduil Star-Shadow spun on his heel and swaggered back down the cobblestone path, First Mate Fuzzybeard swinging from his arm. "I be off now to search fer buried treasure and adventure on the open Sea! Come with me, 'Bri, and ye'll be the Silver Pirate Queen!"

Celebrian squealed in delight and tripped right along after him.

"Yayy! I mean… Yarr!"


End file.
